Saturday, June 30, 2012
The difference between lightening and a harmless lightening bug
Greetings y'all:
Two nights ago on our way home from our wonderful journey we passed through a small glen. We were greeted by a chorus of croaking frogs along the creek and what seemed like a million lightening bugs dancing in the grass and trees. Twas truly a magical moment to end a magical day.
Yesterday was a stormy day. The weather reaching 100f with high humidity. Personally I thrive in this sorta weather. Rumor has it I may photosynthesize or rather photorespirate. We manage a little 5 mile stroll/hike to the grocer on the prowl for watermelon. Naturally man cub chose the largest melon he could pick up, good googly moogly he's strong. We managed to fit it into the back pack and started our trek home. Point of note I not only funded the expedition I was also the sherpa. We enjoyed and adventurous journey home traversing as many hills,woods & streams as he could find. Silly boy thought he could break me. I have to give him bonus points for finding beaucoup berrie bushes. We eventually swam and he went to karate.
The weather became fierce last night, which is not atypical for this region in summer. We a had a beautiful but ferocious thunder and lightening storm. Zander suggested we pray for any creature outside while it raged through the area.
Now you may be pondering why I called yesterday a stormy day when it was merely a stormy night. Good question, thanks for asking. You see two days ago is more flexible and was better able to predict and and adapt to my quirky and exuberant child. Yesterday , not so much. Yes I'm human and I snapped at him and I "picked up the rope" . That is I engaged in a tug of war. Therefore the day had several rough patches of dual angst. Now some folks, scratch that - many folks say I have a right to get angry and snap. I suggest I don't . OK hear me out before getting huffy and dressing me down.
I am human, with a myriad of moods and influences. The question is ought I to use that as excuse for anger? Who is in control of my emotions? My actions and reactions? I am trying to teach a boy who eight years young how to navigate in the sea of humanity and become captain of his ship. Who wants to sail with a captain that is quick to anger? Who would prefer to sail with a cool, calm and adaptable captain? A captain with forethought who steer around or guide through storms?
So in my humble opinion the difference between lightening and lightening bugs is preparedness and perception. Just keep a quiet eye out for both. Looking for quiet magical moments and know that life is impermanent. Maintain and even keel and keep tacking. Storms aren't forever.
I'll leave you with one of my favorite Jimmy Buffet lines " breathe in , breathe out , move on"
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You just used 2 of my favorite lines from Jimmy Buffett. Its refreshing to see a father being a father in a time where men run from whats imporantent.
ReplyDeleteThanks Steven! Junior Mint and I use Jimmy Buffet for music therapy. He like listening to Jolly mon on the way to school. Quite honestly I'm humbled to be his pa. I make a myriad of mistakes but we are learning together.
ReplyDeleteWe are all responsible for our reactions to circumstances around us. I always, always feel guilt when I consider acting in anger toward my daughter (and if I actually do express anger). However, there are still lessons to be learned - on both sides - that can be shared when the stormy weather has passed. If ManCub never encounters someone being angry with him, he won't have the skills to deal with his own reaction to that anger. Granted, he is still young, and I don't know the exact nature of that particular tug-of-war. But this is what I have done after that kind of experience (and maybe you did something similar already, so I'm sorry if I'm stepping on your toes): Immediately after the tug of war (or blow-up as in my case), I sat next to my daughter (or when she was younger, pulled her into my lap), held her tight, told her I was sorry for losing my temper, told her I love her so much, and proceeded to try to calmly resolve the issue. The big upside for this has been, she knows it's normal to feel and even express anger sometimes, but she also knows that when or if that happens, she must immediately resolve the issue calmly. She gained an understanding of why I was upset, she learned that her actions (or inactions) can make others feel distress, whether they express it or not, and she expressed her side of the issue so that we could come to an agreement or compromise.
ReplyDeleteWe, as parents, are not only modeling our peaceful, patient, loving sides, but also what to do if we slip up. Otherwise, our children may feel horrible guilt if they cannot be as "perfect" as their parents are.
I'm not saying we don't have the right to be angry with our children (I think we should feel what we feel, at least for a moment). We are the only ones who can choose how we express ourselves to others and how we react. But we can also use those moments when we slip up, not to pound ourselves down for not being perfect, but as a teachable moment - a moment to express our unconditional love even though we over-reacted. A moment to show our children how the actions of one person make another feel, and how we might change our reactions the next time something like that happens (if the actions were negative).