Greetings y'all :
The rains have come which is good for the crops and the heat. I like the rain. It cleanses the world and I need some cleansing. The Dalai Lama reminds us that we all are capable of violence and that violence destroys us from the inside out. Am I violent, well we all have potential and I've noticed increased agitation arising from the belly of my soul. Quick to snap and quick to fail to follow my intuition and instincts. Anxiety and anger seem to stew like a spicy gumbo in my minds eye and soul. Not violence but a sense of a shortening fuse.
Is it the heat ? Is the angst of a mountain of fiscal failings ? Is it the usual pre- return to work butterflies? Is it my child acting up ? The answer to this question is not blowing in the wind or is quite simply me. No one/nothing gets to take credit for my actions and reactions but me. I made my decisions or indecisions
We are surrounded by outside forces. In my very humble opinion it is imperative we embrace our roles as perceivers and the consequence of our perceptions. So when junior mint runs ahead of me so he can shut the door on me , which he does either in frustration or jokingly, is it the time to allow agitation to come roaring out me like a lion? When I try watching a show on the magic moving picture talking box and he wants to sing , dance , play , talk is that the time to let emotions boil over. The answer to both of those is unequivocally -NO !
Recently I've found myself checking emails, looking up inane thing on the Internet on the smart phone that is dumbing down my already deflated inter- personal skills. Have you notices my lack of discussion of friends and family in my journal/blog ? I'm painfully introverted. I can give a talk in front of thousands but groups that require one/ one dialog frighten me, but I digress. My instincts tell me it's time to ignore this electronic leash to the ether world and re-embrace the beauty of life in front of me and of my man cub. He most certainly deserves it. It is to him that I apologize for this artificial and self created barrier.
I do not say that lightly but the universe seems to be happier and work smoother when I focus on others. Tis better to take a few genuine moments of meditation and reconnect by disconnecting. Last night as we lay in bed waiting for sleep to sweep over us Xander suggested we find one thing to stare at and quiet our minds. I was amazed that this little boy who was yelled at for trivial things a few times during the day, who prepared and amazing repast for supper would suggest single point meditation. We both finished considerably calmer and refocused . As we snuggled and drifted off to dreamland he whispered " daddy I love you , you had a good day" like rain on a summers eve he washed away the negativity I built up.
Thanks for the visit.
Nice way to end your day. I wish we had some rain, too, though. It's so dry and brittle outside (my honeysuckle vine is very sad).
ReplyDeleteWhile you may feel the need to disconnect from the electric world, I think this blog may be providing not only a beautiful way to express the delights and challenges of raising your wonderful son, but also give you a safe outlet for the steam that builds out of frustrating circumstance. You can still choose how to perceive and react, and I believe that fuses are shorter with extreme heat (city violence is always up during heatwaves) - I think our bodies physically need relief from long stretches of extreme weather and our physical/emotional selves are intricately interwoven - but it is healthy to accept that we, very humanly, have a wide range of emotions stewing and brewing inside; it is important to give those emotions outlet somewhere. Shared joys spread joy to others. Shared woes let others know they are not alone in their woes. Shared solutions and revelations teach others alternatives to exercising (or exorcising) negativity.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hope you're considering ending your blog.
Thanks for your feedback and insight. I have no plans to discontinue this journal/blog . It is too cathartic. I agree the heat can exacerbate emotions I respectfully disagree that it be an excuse for acting out. It's a cause but not an action . We are responsible for our actions, our choices.
ReplyDeleteAgain I will continue my blog but will try to stay present and use electronics in a mindful manner. Thanks again for your input. This blog improves with feedback , I'd rather it be discussion forum than a lecture.
I was unclear in my comment about short fuses and the heat. I'm not excusing the fuses or even see blaming the heat as an excuses. We still make our own choices, good and bad. It's just a sad statistic that the shootings increase when the heat increases in my metro area.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy these discussions, and I'm catching up on your blogs today.