Greetings y'all :
This here is one of them rare second blogs du jour. It's been an interesting day folks. I blame myself for speaking ill of another person thus sending negativity out which of course equates to negativity coming back. Yes I believe in emotional boomerang. Well maybe not emotional per se - but what you do comes back to you.
So today was a bit rocky at work and my sol Invectus chose not to follow my advice. In fact he broke his promise to me. He's eight and is still learning but his choice of activities during club time once again lead to a fabulous disaster. After speaking with his counselor he will no longer have those options available to him. When he heard the counselor and I discuss this he became fretful. As we returned to my classroom to process the day he chose to walk away and hide. It took a twenty minute man hunt to locate my little rascal.
He was safe but thought he was in trouble, didn't like the consequences of today's choices and wanted time alone to think. Ok all three are valid an understandable, but hiding in that scenario is not. I cried while we looked for him. I wasn't angry at him.
Once we arrived home we opted for a quiet and relaxing evening. Well apparently my emotions were just under the surface because I found myself yelling at him for something trivial. We calmed down and talked out our feelings. It took a few time - ins, music therapy , meditation, and a few other things from my limited bag-o-tricks.
I should not have gotten upset. His little brain is hurting already enough to go hide. I feel horrible. I need to be a better model.
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Ken, remember that your junior mint is watching you when you get upset. If you were perfect all the time, he would certainly feel there was no way he could ever become that controlled. (And it would be unhealthy for anyone, including YOU, to BE that controlled.)
ReplyDeleteIf you beat yourself up for being human, i.e. getting upset, how do you think he will treat himself? Continue to do what you did tonight - talk to each other. That is the best example a role model can set.
You are a FANTASTIC father. Kids don't expect perfection from their parents, just love and acceptance which you give in abundance!
Thanks for you feedback and kind words. I guess I never viewed as trying to be perfect, that's unattainable. I suppose I viewed it as reflection and growth. Being upset is a part of the human condition. I just strive to maintain and evaluate my reaction. I feel like I didn't model an appropriate manner in which to express my feelings initially. I do like that we process and eventually put our emotions , feelings, actions and reactions in full view on the table and discuss them. I hope I'm teaching or at least showing him the art of letting go and forgiveness . I admit I need to work on forgiving myself.
ReplyDeleteI can only control myself, my actions, my reactions. I am aware of the physiological damage done by stress and anger. I am human and you are correct I should focus teaching him to be human and humane.
Thanks!
Barb R. is spot-on!! It is wonderful that you process openly with your son. He's learning more than so many other children of his age (having taught that age at one point, I feel I can say that with confidence).
ReplyDeleteShucks thanks. I respect both of your opinions. I guess I view processing as a natural rung in the ladder of success. OK that and working special education for so long.
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