Open to improvement

Greetings y'all :

Not sure where to start today. I apologize for no post yesterday, no excuse. I had a lot to digest but still , I apologize.

Thursday itself was a typical day of teacher week at school. Constant change and preparation. Kids I hope you realize the amount of work, effort , dedication and love teachers put into getting the classroom and lessons ready. I am humbled by my co- workers past and present and the thousands of educators I've never met. Go forth and guide these young minds to higher levels of thinking.

Thursday evening A-Rob and I went swimming then to karate training. My son was excited to be the first Robinson to do flips into the pool. I'm a coward with no hops, never could do flips and ain't starting now. Mowgli on the other hand, well his nickname is Mowgli - enough said. I was impressed with his coachability . He took directions well, from both his dear ol dad who was about to have a coronary and the very helpful lifeguard. That's not a typo the lifeguard was in the pool and helped teach my son how to do flips. He also wants to work with my son on his butterfly stroke. Zander is open to improvement.

Now I mentioned karate and on my last post that I promised him I would watch more closely. Thursday evening I was chatting with another parent, it's nice to find folks with similar attitudes and who see the best in my son, who see us struggle and know that is just child rearing and growing up. I'd just said he's come far but has a long journey ahead, that sportsmanship is still his krytonite. When right on cue his team loss a competition, he fell to the mat wailing , a loud soulful, plaintiff wail! They beckoned me to pull him and regroup him. I walked in and he walked out with me. He appeared inconsolable, yet he sat on my lap and I literally kissed away his tears while doing some reflective listening. When his mind was quieter we did our quiet cove thing and unloaded our negative emotions of the past and worked on the here and now. He returned to his training and was stellar. On the way home we briefly revisited the events and he pin pointed what happened, how he thought about it, how those thoughts made him feel and how he acted on those feelings. He reminded me they are his thoughts, feelings and actions and he ought to be in control of them. Atta boy!

That evening I talked to a wonderful advisor (Susan Stiffleman*) who helped me put things in perspective. Without her I doubt I would have come up with quiet cove or time ins. She reminded me of patterns in our lives and we all need self care. I recently realized much of my child's behavior in school has been because he gets my undivided attention at home. That is in part because I didn't have a sense of validation growing up and I don't want to miss a second of his precious life. Perhaps I've over compensated and smother. You may recall I've been working on his ability to self regulate and self entertain the last few weeks. Again a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. She pointed my need to maintain my mental well being and gave some good techniques for getting my important me time while teaching him his and remaining close.

Susan really opened a door in my mind I didn't know was there: patterns of how we were raised and our perceptions. I love my folks and think they did the best job they could with me. I wasn't an easy child. I was an other wise thinker in a house of conservative thinkers. They did a great job with me but I was a different creature. I also had a sibling by learned self entertainment because I never really fit in. All that helped forge who I am today. Yes the hardest steel is forged in a fire. I'm by no means hard but I am strong.

I'm a lot of things but a great man and perfect father aren't on the list. That doesn't make me less of man or parent. It makes me human, a mere humble human trying to learn and grow. Part of that is remaining present and reviewing or reflecting upon the past as means to continue the good things and modify that which needs improvement. I don't consider that beating myself up , I view it as fine tuning.

Yesterday Zander met his new teacher and his classroom. He is quite excited. He's excited to be in third grade and to finally have us back in the same school. I'm kinda jazzed myself !

Thanks for stopping by and reading today.

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www.parentingwithoutpowerstruggles.com