Forgiveness

Greetings y'all :

I'll keep it brief today. As an American I know today holds special significance in our history and modern day psyche. As a Quaker it's a another day to forgive and move forward. We shall reflect on what happened and move on. This may seem unAmerican but as I teach my child and students - do not give your energies to those wish you harm, give them understanding and maintain you're own personal peace. Dwelling gives the folk your power.

This truly is a life lesson. Forgiveness is the essence of personal happiness. Forgive the broken heart, the misguided word, the act of anger. As a parent and an educator, I dare say as a sentient being, I embrace the notion of letting go and fresh starts. Every second is a learnable moment.

Yesterday was a rough day all around. Twould be easy to see the struggle and strife, dwell on them and remain in an emotional quagmire. Yet by doing that I am giving in and giving up. I am not growing, changing or learning. I've accepted defeat. I'm many things but quitter does not make it on my list. I've walked through the vacillation of fire and water that forged my steel armor.

But that is my journey. What of my precious, confused, and angry man cub? The anger is still bubbling just under the surface. He's showing the behaviors he's learned at school over the last couple of years. I see he has good teacher who is teaching him life and social skills. It's up to my young man to learn though. Yesterday afternoon was scary as I dealt with a tantrum, one of his more overt and demonstrative tantrums. I see how I could handle my end better, yet the true key to success lies in him using strategies to cope with accepting consequences.

We had a break through last night that I've been waiting for. Man Cub, after our second meditation session and while snuggling, finally confessed some fears and frustrations. He was able to, nay strong enough, to look them in the eye and call them out. It may appear to others he is just randomly mean at times. The reality is he's an eight yr old boy who has also been through fires that would render some adults useless. He's an eight yr old boy with grown up experiences and pain. He's an eight ounce glass with a gallon of water being dumped into him. He can be the water, but his little mind is overflowing with emotion. What I see as a positive is that we are dealing with learned behaviors and that he is better able to touch upon his feelings and emotions. It still means having him think- what color do you feel when you feel yada yada yada... Where is the fire in you or where do you feel it in you before you explode. I have failed on many levels as parent but am learning and will not quit on him.

Last night we talked about his magic. Magic is wonderful, it's out there and it's personal. It took me several decades to find my magic, or rather admit I had it. But to get to our personal magic we must face our "Big Green Monster" .We can't feed the monster or it will grow and grow and make it exponentially more difficult to find and grasp or our magic. I learned man cub thinks he can feed the monster until it explodes. When I asked how long would he have to feed it until it explodes he said he had no idea, it just grows. Oh my , the mind of a self reliant, quirky and exuberant child. Then talked about what might happen if you stop feeding it. " silly daddy if you don't feed something it dies or goes away" . If I may borrow from ' The Courtship of Eddies Father' you my son just put your little finger on a very big problem ( solution in our case) .

Today we forgive ourselves and others because if we don't forgive with our entire being we feeding the monster and will never get our magic.

Thanks for reading again today.