Sunday, March 31, 2013
Forgiveness and accepting humanity
Greetings y'all ,
It's Easter, Passover, Sunday whatever you call it. Twould be easy to post a pious piece of prose but I want to focus on forgiveness and humanity. In the human condition forgiveness may be one of the hardest ideals to obtain. Forgiveness of others overt misdeed towards us, of what we perceive as blatant personalized attacks on us , of ourselves for a myriad of reasons. In the end we are humans attempting to find happiness and to be free of suffering.
Letting go and releasing anger , vengeance , self righteous sense of revenge and indignity is difficult . I suggest not trusting anyone who states otherwise , but I could be wrong. I am after all human. I find comfort in remembering life is impermanent , pain passes as does joy. Many who harm us are truly suffering and are acting out. Oft times in ignorance or insecurity. The key , in my humble opinion is to focus on a positive aspect of that individual.
In my personal life I've been jumping through hoops because I failed to do that. Oh sure I did it occasionally but not steadily . Do I expect the situation to change? No I do not. Holding on to expectations leads to suffering as well. My best bet is to hope to ease my suffering , I've no control over the other parties. Sadly though these adults are acting out and retarding the growth of my child. All the more reason to move forward with quiet inner calm and a peaceful heart.
When I started following my own advice I was able to rationally see my child for who he is and remember all his positive attributes. It's well documented that his classmates are not his peers. Peers is not age specific. He has some things in common and much to learn from these classmates. But he can't communicate with them the way he can with olders. I feel his pain.
Growing up I felt like an outsider because I had little in common with those my own age. I was more comfortable with adults and older kids. So I see my son having a hard row to hoe until he reaches that point in the American education system that age is irrelevant.
You see he is human being suffering from the human condition of institutionalized and industrialized factory style education. My heart aches for him. The bonus is I have traveled that road and I " get" him. He's not ADHD or anything else the schools and system wish to label him because he's a kinesthetic global thinker. Just as a parent ought to love the child they have not the child they want an educator ought teach the child they have not the child they want. It's not that hard .
Quite honestly and at the risk of sounding egotistical I have consciously brought more love and laughter into my life. Into my classroom and my home. I've seen positive growth in both settings. Be the captain of the ship and continue to steer the vessel with quiet inner calm. If we stop to address and consequence every little behavior , either positive or negative , then we give the nautical wheel over to the child and are rudderless. If we pick and choose and state what is expected once then follow up without extended discourse we stay the course with less negative interactions. That does not in any way mean discount the child's voice when appropriate. All sentient beings seek validation. But know when reflective listening is best or allowing the child to steer occasionally to help validate the individual and reduce anxiety .
Ok maybe I did get preachy and pious. I apologize - I'm only human. Remember I live with a wonderfully quirky and exuberant man cub. A child who is wires differently but is amazing .
It's Easter, Passover, Sunday whatever you call it. Twould be easy to post a pious piece of prose but I want to focus on forgiveness and humanity. In the human condition forgiveness may be one of the hardest ideals to obtain. Forgiveness of others overt misdeed towards us, of what we perceive as blatant personalized attacks on us , of ourselves for a myriad of reasons. In the end we are humans attempting to find happiness and to be free of suffering.
Letting go and releasing anger , vengeance , self righteous sense of revenge and indignity is difficult . I suggest not trusting anyone who states otherwise , but I could be wrong. I am after all human. I find comfort in remembering life is impermanent , pain passes as does joy. Many who harm us are truly suffering and are acting out. Oft times in ignorance or insecurity. The key , in my humble opinion is to focus on a positive aspect of that individual.
In my personal life I've been jumping through hoops because I failed to do that. Oh sure I did it occasionally but not steadily . Do I expect the situation to change? No I do not. Holding on to expectations leads to suffering as well. My best bet is to hope to ease my suffering , I've no control over the other parties. Sadly though these adults are acting out and retarding the growth of my child. All the more reason to move forward with quiet inner calm and a peaceful heart.
When I started following my own advice I was able to rationally see my child for who he is and remember all his positive attributes. It's well documented that his classmates are not his peers. Peers is not age specific. He has some things in common and much to learn from these classmates. But he can't communicate with them the way he can with olders. I feel his pain.
Growing up I felt like an outsider because I had little in common with those my own age. I was more comfortable with adults and older kids. So I see my son having a hard row to hoe until he reaches that point in the American education system that age is irrelevant.
You see he is human being suffering from the human condition of institutionalized and industrialized factory style education. My heart aches for him. The bonus is I have traveled that road and I " get" him. He's not ADHD or anything else the schools and system wish to label him because he's a kinesthetic global thinker. Just as a parent ought to love the child they have not the child they want an educator ought teach the child they have not the child they want. It's not that hard .
Quite honestly and at the risk of sounding egotistical I have consciously brought more love and laughter into my life. Into my classroom and my home. I've seen positive growth in both settings. Be the captain of the ship and continue to steer the vessel with quiet inner calm. If we stop to address and consequence every little behavior , either positive or negative , then we give the nautical wheel over to the child and are rudderless. If we pick and choose and state what is expected once then follow up without extended discourse we stay the course with less negative interactions. That does not in any way mean discount the child's voice when appropriate. All sentient beings seek validation. But know when reflective listening is best or allowing the child to steer occasionally to help validate the individual and reduce anxiety .
Ok maybe I did get preachy and pious. I apologize - I'm only human. Remember I live with a wonderfully quirky and exuberant man cub. A child who is wires differently but is amazing .
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Seeking happiness
Greetings y'all :
Here I sit pondering a rant that's played out in my head ad neauseum or a more esoteric introspective post. To be honest I can't wait to see where we end up today. As always I promise to bare my soul and let you good folk in on the good , the bad and the in between .
I begin with a sense of frustration. It's above doubt and question that I love my child and understand him better than anyone. I'm , well rather we, are far from perfect. But we continue to sail our seas and plot our course while facing what crosses our path. It's amazing how my child and I still snuggle up each night , reading side by side or to each other with our faces and sides hurting from the laughter he and I share.
I say amazing because its taken a lot of work to reduce his or our anxiety. Sadly the child I take to school is oft times not the child I pick up. So we spend too much time on damage control , realigning , and re or deprogramming. He is getting a decent education but he's learned certain behaviors work in school and if they aren't addressed swiftly and therapeutically then he's learned to escalate to control the situation. At home - not so much. At home I'm the quiet and calm captain of the ship. He gets time ins not time outs . He gets quiet validation, directions are given once then left to be followed. He has input but the captain has final say and there is no arguing the final decision. It's discussed , it's decided, it's done. We have a playful, respectful and productive happy home . This is effective in all settings. Let me repeat - this is effective in ALL settings. It's amazing what a simple look ( you know the raised eyebrow) or quiet proximity can do to alleviate problems or potential problems. Reflective listening is also quite effective. Two minutes of discussion or listening can prevent two hours of angst . We know tis better to be proactive than reactive. Proactive addresses the core issues and puts out a fire at the first spark. Reactive deals with the burnt embers and blaze and doesn't get to the heart of the matter. Proactive eliminates future issues as well while reactive exacerbate present issues and sets the scene for a repeating downward spiral.
As the adult I proudly take on the role of proactive active listener . Of captain of the ship. Now before you write a scathing response that this theory is all well and good at home alone remember I stated this is effective in all settings. Remember I've been applying this theory with great success for years as an educator with special needs children. I know it works at home, in the mall , at school - in all environments. I also know as the adult at home and the classroom that my failings lead to the children failings. I was told by a great professor and teacher " if the children aren't learning it's because I'm not teaching it right" . The onus falls on the adults to be adults. If we expect the children to be accountable for their actions the adults must model that through humility and proactive guidance. Failing to give appropriate and proper accommodations falls on the adults not the children.
So folks what do you think ? Which direction did I take today's post ? I'll leave you with the thoughts of a laughing happy child in most settings but an angry child who controls the environment in another. I'm sure glad he's a great first mate at home. He will be be fine.
As always thanks for reading today.
Here I sit pondering a rant that's played out in my head ad neauseum or a more esoteric introspective post. To be honest I can't wait to see where we end up today. As always I promise to bare my soul and let you good folk in on the good , the bad and the in between .
I begin with a sense of frustration. It's above doubt and question that I love my child and understand him better than anyone. I'm , well rather we, are far from perfect. But we continue to sail our seas and plot our course while facing what crosses our path. It's amazing how my child and I still snuggle up each night , reading side by side or to each other with our faces and sides hurting from the laughter he and I share.
I say amazing because its taken a lot of work to reduce his or our anxiety. Sadly the child I take to school is oft times not the child I pick up. So we spend too much time on damage control , realigning , and re or deprogramming. He is getting a decent education but he's learned certain behaviors work in school and if they aren't addressed swiftly and therapeutically then he's learned to escalate to control the situation. At home - not so much. At home I'm the quiet and calm captain of the ship. He gets time ins not time outs . He gets quiet validation, directions are given once then left to be followed. He has input but the captain has final say and there is no arguing the final decision. It's discussed , it's decided, it's done. We have a playful, respectful and productive happy home . This is effective in all settings. Let me repeat - this is effective in ALL settings. It's amazing what a simple look ( you know the raised eyebrow) or quiet proximity can do to alleviate problems or potential problems. Reflective listening is also quite effective. Two minutes of discussion or listening can prevent two hours of angst . We know tis better to be proactive than reactive. Proactive addresses the core issues and puts out a fire at the first spark. Reactive deals with the burnt embers and blaze and doesn't get to the heart of the matter. Proactive eliminates future issues as well while reactive exacerbate present issues and sets the scene for a repeating downward spiral.
As the adult I proudly take on the role of proactive active listener . Of captain of the ship. Now before you write a scathing response that this theory is all well and good at home alone remember I stated this is effective in all settings. Remember I've been applying this theory with great success for years as an educator with special needs children. I know it works at home, in the mall , at school - in all environments. I also know as the adult at home and the classroom that my failings lead to the children failings. I was told by a great professor and teacher " if the children aren't learning it's because I'm not teaching it right" . The onus falls on the adults to be adults. If we expect the children to be accountable for their actions the adults must model that through humility and proactive guidance. Failing to give appropriate and proper accommodations falls on the adults not the children.
So folks what do you think ? Which direction did I take today's post ? I'll leave you with the thoughts of a laughing happy child in most settings but an angry child who controls the environment in another. I'm sure glad he's a great first mate at home. He will be be fine.
As always thanks for reading today.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Choices
Greetings y'all :
Hello strangers I guess I chose to hide or let life take over rather than ensure I was the captain of my ship. Well it's been rough sailing. We've hit periods of high turbulent winds and periods of no wind and just drifting along seemingly aimlessly. From the shore it may appear we are or were rudderless but alas we've recharted our course and are working with what we get while keeping our eyes on the horizon.
In my humble opinion life boils down to choices. We choose our reactions and thus actions. This in turn affects our interactions. Granted we strive to be proactive but that is just pre planning our reactions. Therefore we are pre choosing our reactions. That my friend is part of being a good captain of your ship.
I choose peace but peace doesn't always choose me. Does that mean I can't feel peaceful or be peaceful ? Not at all because I am the captain of my ship and I have sailed rough seas before therefore I'm better prepared to handle waves as they attempt to batter my ship. I can choose to allow a momentary squall to swallow me , my ship and all who sail on her or I can choose to calmly navigate to calm seas as my crew and I head to our quiet cove.
In the end life is still impermanent. Neither clear skies nor stormy weather lasts forever . Tis best to be prepared for both . Clear calm weather helps restore our inner peace and gives us the chance to recuperate and regain our resolve. Storm fronts give us experience , strength , resolve and appreciation. How we perceive and thus react to them is our choice.
Junior Mint and I have been recharting our course and survived some rocky shore lines , rudderless days and pirates. Yet his unwavering belief in his captain has kept us moving forward and helped him grow as he learns to navigate his seas and prepares to be his own captain. Alas the captain and the kid make a great team as we continue to write our song line .
Ok folks I confess this was a tad preachy and generic today. My excuse, albeit a weak one, is that it's been awhile and this is my warm-up before resubmerging into writing daily about our day to day life . But out of courtesy I'll mention Junior Mint performed in his first play " Music Man" . We learned a lot about each other and ourselves doing that show. We celebrated birthdays and attended his first funeral. We've had triumphants and defeats. Last night was his first school dance and he got to show staff he's the child I've been saying he is. Seems we chose to be positive and not be defeated. It helps to know who you truly are so you can ignore those who judge you without knowing you.
Follow your moral compass, chart and rechart your course as you go, make your choices, live with your choices , learn from your choices and sail on my friend .
As always thanks for reading this today.
Hello strangers I guess I chose to hide or let life take over rather than ensure I was the captain of my ship. Well it's been rough sailing. We've hit periods of high turbulent winds and periods of no wind and just drifting along seemingly aimlessly. From the shore it may appear we are or were rudderless but alas we've recharted our course and are working with what we get while keeping our eyes on the horizon.
In my humble opinion life boils down to choices. We choose our reactions and thus actions. This in turn affects our interactions. Granted we strive to be proactive but that is just pre planning our reactions. Therefore we are pre choosing our reactions. That my friend is part of being a good captain of your ship.
I choose peace but peace doesn't always choose me. Does that mean I can't feel peaceful or be peaceful ? Not at all because I am the captain of my ship and I have sailed rough seas before therefore I'm better prepared to handle waves as they attempt to batter my ship. I can choose to allow a momentary squall to swallow me , my ship and all who sail on her or I can choose to calmly navigate to calm seas as my crew and I head to our quiet cove.
In the end life is still impermanent. Neither clear skies nor stormy weather lasts forever . Tis best to be prepared for both . Clear calm weather helps restore our inner peace and gives us the chance to recuperate and regain our resolve. Storm fronts give us experience , strength , resolve and appreciation. How we perceive and thus react to them is our choice.
Junior Mint and I have been recharting our course and survived some rocky shore lines , rudderless days and pirates. Yet his unwavering belief in his captain has kept us moving forward and helped him grow as he learns to navigate his seas and prepares to be his own captain. Alas the captain and the kid make a great team as we continue to write our song line .
Ok folks I confess this was a tad preachy and generic today. My excuse, albeit a weak one, is that it's been awhile and this is my warm-up before resubmerging into writing daily about our day to day life . But out of courtesy I'll mention Junior Mint performed in his first play " Music Man" . We learned a lot about each other and ourselves doing that show. We celebrated birthdays and attended his first funeral. We've had triumphants and defeats. Last night was his first school dance and he got to show staff he's the child I've been saying he is. Seems we chose to be positive and not be defeated. It helps to know who you truly are so you can ignore those who judge you without knowing you.
Follow your moral compass, chart and rechart your course as you go, make your choices, live with your choices , learn from your choices and sail on my friend .
As always thanks for reading this today.
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