Plan B is for me

Greetings y'all ,

I once heard perspective is reality. I take that to mean ones perspective of a situation is ones reality. With that premise then how one views a situation plus ones reaction equals ones adaptability and is indicative of ones adaptive behavior. This is when I warn you to grab your coffee before proceeding. Go ahead I can wait ........welcome back.

Today I will be discussing concepts gleaned from the Ross W. Greene, Ph.D book titled " The Explosive Child" (Harper Collins NY 2010) Stop, the ideas apply to all human interactions not just a child with problematic behaviors . I recently read this book because it offered help with classroom management and help with my progeny. Fortunately it reinforced what I've been doing with great success on both fronts. I've seen many educators who follow these concepts intuitively and reduce disruptive behavior. I've seen parents diffuse and de-escalate potential explosive situations by using CPS ( collaborative problem solving)

It starts with the premise " kids do well if they can" . Ok that's easy enough but the need consequences and must follow each direction to succeed or keep peace in the home/ classroom right? Wrong. If consequences are not natural or ineffective then the child's growth is retarded. Constantly giving consequences can be counter-productive. So lets throw in good intentions with addressing lagging skills.

What is the lagging skill that is impeding the child's ability to grow and calmly navigate through their frustration? It's easy to identify the behavior we desire . We can establish plans to target that behavior. I posit progress will not occur until the lagging skills required to accomplish that behavior is met and addressed as a team. This is where CPS comes in to help build a foundation.

Dr. Greene discusses Plan B. Not as we typically think of it as oops plan A didn't work , next option. He suggests plan A is teacher/ parent giving hard fast rules with hard fast consequences. Has this been effective for explosive children? Probably not . Ok then there's plan C. Which is akin to acquiescing to the child. Occasional capitulation may be the correct course of action only rarely. So back to planB.

Plan B involves reflective listening and the ability to compromise. It's not giving in or giving up its teaching problem solving in a real life , life long learning style. It validates all parties with empathy and respect. It leaves the door open for further discussion, commiseration, communication and collaboration. I've been innately doing this in the classroom for years with all age groups and with great success. To me it's the difference between a willow flowing and bending in the wind as opposed to a stoic oak stand firm and rigid until something breaks.

So yes everyone's perspective is his or her reality. What can we do to help learn the perspective of a challenged child and improve their lagging skills thus modifying their adaptive behavior in a positive way? Sounds like a win-win situation to me.

Between Dr Greene's books and Susan Stiffleman's " Parenting without Power Struggles" I've learned some great techniques for helping students learn and for the home and even personal relationships . The key is to build relationships. That is done by listening more than talking.

www.explosivechild.com



Thanks for reading again today folks.