Owning our actions

Greetings y'all ,

How y'all are ? We've been doing fairly well over here. Life has thrown us cure balls but we've been able to sit on them and be patient . Oh sure we've had out share of swings and misses but were still in the game . 

As y'all may or may not know Ace had a very difficult late summer early autumn. In general out lives were flipped upside down and we dealt , sometime well and sometimes not so well , with a cornucopia of changes. In October I had to put Ace in hospital to help him with with poor broken brain and wiring . It was    the single most difficult decision I've made. I saw it coming for weeks before it actually happened but when it did we saw and are seeing improvement. 

The truth is my child was quite angry and  aggressive at times. He would rage and  subsequently put holes in his walls and doors before he went into hospital . With the exception of one anxiety riddled rage from a situation  he should've been shielded from . But the fact remains he raged . He knew he had to save his money to get the tools and equipment to repair his damage. He has accepted that. Yesterday we went to Home Depot and he spent his money for the equipment and today will learn the art of home improvement and responsibility . 

He's excited to learn a new set of skills . He's happy owning his actions and making things right. Some may ask why it took so long to have him do this ? Quite honestly he wasn't mentally or fiscally ready until now. Wish us luck as we progress through this phase of our lives and go forward with greater confidence , thoughtfulness and responsibility . I believe in you son! 

Thanks for reading again today. 

personal bon mots

Greetings y'all :

As usual life has it's ups and downs. That's is the very nature of existence . We can't control that,we can only control our actions , reactions and relationship with God. Since perception is reality we choose how we perceive things and this our reality . I'd dare say our perception are formed from the song line which delivered us to this present moment . The past is not our future if we choose to change our present .  These are lessons Ace is learning. Sometime the easy way but oft times the hard way. Either way he is experiencing and learning them .

On a different note, I've been writing a letter to my son on a daily basis. The letters review the previous days events and feelings but always include positive affirmations and support . I write to others well and try pointing out the positives. Admittedly I've been slipping of late . Why ? Well not sure but I've been blue and feeling like life's punching bag. Some one suggested I try writing to myself . Uhm ... Errr... Well .. Ok but ... Here's the conundrum I can find a hundred positives for the other seven billion on this third rock from the sun but when it comes to me I'm stymied . It's not that I think negatively of myself it's just that self praise seems to throw off the universe.  Nothing says potential failure like egocentric thoughts. 

Well I wrote a few letters . If more of a chance to do some self kvetching and journaling. I mentioned to some friends my dilemma , self praise didn't feel write and .... wait for it .......... I was at a loss for words !  My friends suggested that  kind, sympathetic and a nurturer. Wow ! So that's how a few perceive me. I'm flummoxed and humbled . Then I thought and decided to accept those bon mots. I realized it does not make me egotistical and that by my very nature those are qualities I've been cultivating for some time. 

Still it's strange to overtly think positive thoughts about myself . My only excuse is I've declared this to be the year of self care. That's my story and I'm sticking to it ! 

Thanks for reading again today folks. "Have a very fruitful day" jimmy buffet 

 

The Classroom called life

Greetings y'all ,

That's the face of a lad who enjoys grocery shopping and sports. Why ? Great question , thanks for asking. He says it's because he can learn almost everything from them. Hmm  a home schooler at heart ? Probably just me doing what every other parent does . Teach ratios, cost effectiveness , estimation , budgeting , etc.. in the store. Teaching batting averages , physics , and a host of other math problems in sports. 

Life is filled with learnable moments. We put electronics away when traveling and discuss distance, time , mileage , use maps over GPS. It means plenty of dialog between us as well. In my opinion that's a positive. 

I'll keep it short today . We are counting down days until the Winter Olympics and spring training. Heck notice the Orioles tee shirt and ski cap!  Do yourselves a favor remember life is a learnable moment , use it and learn. 

Thanks for reading again today folks .  

The Truther

Greetings y'all , 

My son called me a truther because someone kept promising him something and didn't deliver. He says that person is a liar. He says I delivered for them so I'm a truther. Children tend to cut to the chase and lay it on the line. Naturally the situation isn't that simple , or is it ? Do adults over complicate or do children over simplify ? I would posit it is a bit of both . 

He and I have been focusing on the truth lately . Since returning home from hospital and starting his meds we've noticed increased truth telling at home . I'm very proud of my young man . He and I have paid for lies. Some he told before hospital and some others have told before and after hospital . Our motto is it's easier to live with an ugly truth than a pretty lie. 

So lets talk turkey about the truth . Is the truth always black and white ? In my very humble opinion only the few and rare truisms are always black and white but like most of life the vast majority of things lay in that grey area . My guess is the grey area is 95% of life . Yet folks hold dogmatically to their version of truth . Leading to cognitive distortion and barriers. We won't always agree but if we remember perception is reality we can compromise and progress smoothly. 

I'm rather proud of my progeny . Ok ok so that's  nothing new . I'm proud of him for becoming more thoughtful , pensive, contemplative  and conscientious. Is he perfect ? No , but who is ? Does he have bad moments? Yes but who doesn't ? Does he work hard and learn ? Yeah skippy !!!

I admit I'm slightly bias but I see the glory of my child every day . I see how hard he works and his unlimited and untapped potential . 👍 I see a lad that has grown emotionally and spiritually . I see a lad that takes responsibly for his actions , perhaps more than many adults . I see a lad who is learning to be a man . 

I've no doubt he will be successful. My role is to keep giving him the tools he needs and keep showing him how to use them, to continue modeling honesty and acceptance . Time will tell but I believe in him and since I'm the truther ...

Thanks for reading again today folks! 

Illusions .....

Greetings y'all , 

"Illusions are the truths we live by until we know better" Nancy Gibbs. I found this quite in " The Explosive Child" by Ross W. Greene PhD. . Today I read about emotional regulation and cognitive flexibility skills . Interesting that the author states crying and exploding can be both the same emotional response from children with lagging skills. One elicits comfort, concern and nurturing and the child grows . The other elicits punitive and angry responses and exasperates the child as the situation setting the child up for continued frustration. I am by no means condoning negative behavior nor condoning not having appropriate consequences when appropriate . I am suggesting that solving the problem of the lagging skills and giving the child the tools needed to cope and be successful will decrease future negative reactions in the maladaptive child this helping them be productive and adaptive adults . 

Lets look at this way cognitive skills need to be taught and the tools for success need to be freely given similar to a child that may have lagging academic skills. I wouldn't tell a young child struggling with phonics to just read Shakespeare or they'll have negative consequences  especially if I haven't helps them decide and own phonemic awareness . I would teach the lagging skills and build up to the appropriate level at the child's pace. Or let me use another baseball analogy. It takes refined skill sets to make it the show yet thousands of young and talented athletes struggle to get  through the minors. The vast majority don't get the call up but they work diligently and improving the skills needed to make it . Even for a cup of coffee . How do they improve ? Trough good coaching and dedication. 

We are fortunate that my sons beajvior therapist is using Cognitive Behavior Therapy and that his sitter and his school naturally follows that school of thought . We've finally found the near perfect storm of supports . We've seen incremental growth that is amazing , no where near perfection but I posit who is ? The key is to continue evolving, adapting and learning .  I believe in and trust him and his supports. Team Mowgli Rocks !!!

Ok time for coffee and getting ready fit another day of learning and loving. Hug someone and tell them you love them , especially if they upset , frustrated or sad. 

Thanks for reading again today folks .

Snow Day !!!

Greetings y'all !

Thanks to the wondrous and wonderful white wintry precipitation schools are closed and we have our first snow day of  aught fourteen. Traditionally that means hours of outdoor activities for the Robinson Boys  however it's minus teens with the windchill and a tad bitter for me . 

I think we will survive the day with indoor jocularity. 

So far this morning has entailed my young man spending quality time with the neighbor and her feline fellas. They had a nice breakfast whilst I shoveled myself and some neighbors . Rumor has it the burning sensation in my frozen digits will subside by late spring . 

Yesterday was one of them good type days. Ace had a few expected struggles transitioning back to school but was successful . He was extremely positive and thoughtful last night and this morning. With the lone exception being a frustration fueled maladaptive transition from the neighbors house back to boring old dad. But I worked the magic from Explosive Child  ( by Ross Greene) and Parenting Without Power Struggles ( by Susan Stiffleman)and viola it subsided quickly . It was ugly at first but frustration is a difficult emotion to get hold of for adults much less a child with lagging skills . Yes he cursed but that is from lagging language processing skills and we are addressing it . We don't give those words power when he uses them. 

We get to the place where reason rules over emotion and discuss the problem driving the behaviors, solve that and work up replacement words . 

Yesterday the sitter gave him an assignment about being a positive and humble winner or loser. It involved writing which he , surprisingly , embraced . He tried typing it on his tablet but did the classic mistake of not saving it correctly. D'OH !!! Give the lad an "A" for effort though . He truly wants to do well. I love my Sol  Invictus !!!

Ok guess it's time to bake some bread on a cold winters day. 

Thank for stopping by and reading today.

Exploring other options

Greetings y'all ,

Recently I've been accused of being garrulous and  prolix . I've reflected and admit I am sententious . The question now is what shall I do about it? Is it truly a dilemma I need to address? Shall I arrogantly continue on my fustian and turgid dialog ? A conundrum  wrapped in an enigma . But alas I shall write from my metaphysical and complex heart . 

     Ace and I have been reading a great deal lately . We read to ourselves , to each other and he has been enjoying e-books with the read aloud feature. I'm very impressed with his reading selections . They've been rich and varied.  I am very impressed with my  young scholar ! He's shown increased flexibility and frustration tolerance . In part because of his reading choices and largely due to his processing and belief he is capable and that God and his tribe have his six. 

     I've been re-reading The Explosive Child by Dr Ross W.Greene . It is one of the books that has helped me alter and adapt my parenting style to understand and help my sometimes maladaptive progeny. We can't cure behaviors in others, we can't change others . We can help problem solve so positive behaviors increase and expectations can be met. This can be accomplished by adjusting our reactions and actions . " Children do well if they can " We are fortunate to have a good team that uses this methodology and plan to guide my young man down the pathway to success .

I could go on for pages on this topic but will wrap it up now . Thanks for reading again today folks. 

Aught 14

Greetings y'all :

    Here we go friends time for a fresh start and new beginnings. But I posit we have the opportunity to have fresh starts and new beginnings every second of every day. We are constantly making choices that affect the next moment in time for us . One might call this Karma . Karma is the theory of causation. What we do comes back to us , cause and effect. Karma is to us what we are to others and ourselves .

Junior Mint and I had grand relaxing New Years Eve. We read and listened to music during the day. Watched a little football and did some cooking. He had another date night with the neighbor/sitter. She's been a blessing to us. Last evening she took him to Coldstone Creamery for some monstrous sized and delicious ice cream. I'm glad he's expanding his support system .

     The night was spent reading and chatting with friends . I was able to visit my special friend and still ring in the New Year with my pride and joy , my progeny.  He is almost ten but still insists on hugging me and kissing at the stroke of midnight with a hearty I love you daddy and happy New Years ! Who knows how long this will last but I'll take it ! I love that lad. 

   Today ? Well today he's already cooked me bacon and eggs and started supper in the crock pot . He's finishing up Tom Sawyer  and wants to move on to Huckleberry Finn & Sherlock Holmes  stories . In my opinion these are classics everyone ought to read. He's read Old Man and the Sea and Moby Dick I think he need some children's classic too though . Any suggestions ? 

   Ok folks I won't hold ya up any longer . Thanks for stopping by and checking on us . Hope y'all have a happy and healthy new year . Remember we may not always get what we want but God gives us what we need.